My Mother: The Epitome of Failure

I can’t stand my mother. I was never able to but now I’m practically ready to kill her. She’s just so conceited and greedy. Did I mention she’s a communist? Yeah, lots of foreign-born mothers are, but mine is genuinely communist. And I don’t mean communist in the way you regard Trizy or your Russian co-workers. I’m talking much worse.

I could write an entire book about how terrible my mother is, but I won’t. Deep down I really want her to someday escape from that bubble world of hers and realize just what a failure she is and how she has done nothing but ruin my life and push my family to the brink of destruction. Instead, I’m just going to touch on a few points that I particularly dislike about her. This is not a dramatization, this is all completely true. The following list is not for the faint-of-heart. Expect words with more than three syllables and lots of cursing. Some of you may void your bowels once you come to the horrible revelation that a person in real-life can actually be JUST this terrible. I’m sorry, I voided mine too.

School: “Learning”?

Face it. In school we learn nothing. Aside from maybe some formulas or something, most of the content you learn doesn’t really pertain to you unless your career is related to it. And even that kind of stuff, you aren’t learning. I quote an old teacher of mine (and I paraphrase here).

The only thing we learn in school is regurgitation.

Quite so. We are not actually learning, like we do at home or as toddlers – where we learn from “trial and error” and the likes. All we do is get random facts hammered into our brains. Then a week later, we don’t utilize those facts – all we had to do was memorize them. Then we spit them back out onto a test. Hooray, I passed the test. Then you forget this information. That was very helpful.

Of course there’s tons of excuses the districts and all have. But it’s apparent for everyone, even most teachers, that we aren’t actually learning too much that will be put to use – especially when we don’t have a choice in what to learn (at least not to a specific point).

I learned more over the summer that’ll be put to use in my future than I will in school this year – even silly things such as how to navigate the towering aisles of our local Benjamin Moore.

It sounds like a useless point of information, but I tell you this much – it will be much more useful in my life than learning about the Electoral College (which equally sucks by the way).

And perhaps the most notable point of all - you should find something you are good at and enjoy and study it. We can’t do that in school.

Now I must leave you for a time, because I think the Principal has arrived at my doorstep with his harpoon gun.

Der Englisch: #1

Typing this is kind of awkward at the moment as there’s another writer on this blog who IS German. Oh well.

Der Englisch is a weekly (or biweekly, or monthly, or whenever-I-feel-like-ly) rant by me on bad grammar, particularly (if not exclusively) on the internet. With luck the Department of Homeland Security won’t find some cryptic meaning this and deport me. But anyways, here’s my first “issue”. Grammar Nazi mode ON. Mwahahahahahahaha.

This week/month/wheneverIfeellikeit’s “issue” is about the stupidity of people (especially our stupid youth with their rap music and bad morals and blu-ray discs and…ugh!) who type in “shorthand” on the Internet. Frankly I feel that name is an overstatement. It should be called failhand, because it makes no sense for them or for the readers. I can’t think of how to word it at this time so here’s some examples.

The word please. Maybe because it’s how they do it in MapleStory, or maybe because it represents their actual manners in real life, people in their great knowledge have decided to coin the term plz. Please compare:

To…

Frankly if you have enough typing prowess to log into your computer you shouldn’t bother sacrificing easy-to-reach keys just so you can cut out a few letters! Most of “please” is all in one area! I’m sure someone will find something wrong with my logic, but whatever. Onward!

I associate the word “plz” with whiney 7 year olds, and have no respect for those who use it. Honestly. You need to abbreviate a 5 letter word? Something is wrong with you!

Thanks versus thx. Again, unecessary abbreviation that only overcomplicates things. You’d think if they lacked the IQ to fully type out “thanks” they wouldn’t be capable of coming up with these abbreviations. I admit this one is kind of efficient in terms of key spacing, but then again what about those poor AZERTY and DVORAK people – for whom it may be easier just to type out the full word. Of course at this time I’d say Europe has more “rational” people in the series of tubes right now, but I digress.

Once again, I really think that if you are old enough to use (and have) a computer, you should have already taken the most basic of writing courses. I don’t know what abbreviating the unecessary saves you. I know this post wasn’t too relevant or even logical, but this is how I feel about 90% of the intertube users. Your typewriter-using ancestors would be ashamed. >:(

So until next time…

HEIL SPELLCHECK!