Well, I’m back with another riveting tale for all of you.
Once upon a time, there was a father and his two dear sons. They lived in harmony upstairs. They were conoisseurs of awesome office products. They each had a Scotch tape dispenser. One day, the eldest son’s dispenser vanished.
It became obvious that its disappearance could only be attributed to one person – MOTHER. The horrible creature that lived downstairs. They dared not trifle with her lest she go on a one hour tangent and permanently shorten everybody’s life expectancy.
The son took up a perilous journey into the realm known as “downstairs”, a frigid icy wasteland where mother had deemed heating to be stupid and wasteful of money, even though she did not pay it. Entering into an uneasy negotiation with his mother, the son was granted access to her room where he found a tape dispenser. The mother claimed that it “was always here” and that “[your father] gave it to me”. She claimed, however, there may be a second one around and she’d look for it.
It was obvious that she was lying, but the son was not in the mood to fight so he returned to his domain, informing the father of the vile witch’s treachery. The father decided to confront his “wife” about the matter. After pointing out that she had stolen the tape dispenser, but remaining calm and even offering to buy her one of her own, all hell broke loose.
The father retreated upstairs as the mother went on a tangent, spewing lies out of her mouth such as “you fucking bastard, you owe me thousands and all you can think about is fucking $12?”. She began to point out how “[my father] has nothing” and how he’s “a bum” who mooches money and is a cheater. You could spend 10 seconds in my hosue and it’d be obvious that this is the exact opposite of the situation.
So, my dad was just ASKING IF HE COULD HAVE A TAPE DISPENSER BACK and mom started threatening to “call the police” and that my dad would be “thrown out on the street” once I go to college. She would “move back to [her] country” and live a happy life. My mother hails from one of the most technologically backwards and downright communistic shitholes home to nothing but lowly backwater farmers and humble peasants.
It’s times like these I wish my mom wasn’t just a walking vessel for harsh language, because sometimes I wish she’d call the police so that they would arrest her for being legally insane. Did I tell you about the shoddy space heater that nearly burned down the house?
Sigh. All this over a fucking tape dispenser. I wouldn’t mind if she was complaining about the tape dispenser, but she was just calling my father all kinds of bad words and going completely off-topic.
As you may have noticed by now, I’m very defensive of my father. He’s one of the greatest people I know and, if not for his positive influence and protection, I would be just as stupid as the woman in the preceding paragraphs. But calling my father a “bastard”, a “bum”, threatening to throw him “out on the street”, it’s just stupid. I hate incompetent people. Especially ones who can’t defend themselves so start talking about random stuff instead.
Kind of like most politicians…
