Quote me!

Before it becomes popular, let it be known that I’m the first to say the following words.

The universe conspires against hope and positive thinking.

At least I hope I’m the first; I want to be quoted for something already…

NASA angers Apollo

Here’s the story. NASA bombs moon, moon god – Apollo – is angered.
We all die because Apollo shoots us with his arrows.
And no, there are no other moon gods, there is only one moon god and Apollo is him.

And really? Freaking really? Come on, it’s the moon vs. a rocket. It’s like a grain of sand versus a basketball.

OMG! NaNoWriMo Already?

Is it that time of year again?
No, no it isn’t it’s still 3 weeks again.
But, you can feel the excitement!

For those of you who do not know of what I am talking, I am talking of NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month.
Yes, I needed to insult your intelligence; I use such petty tactics to sleep better at night knowing that you know I hold you in contempt.
Also, NaNoWriMo is in November. You can get more information on their site: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ . As if you’d read this far in if you didn’t already know what NaNoWriMo was.

Note to self: find out the best format for URLs

Now with NaNoWriMo on it’s way you can expect me to periodically procrastinate via this blog. So we’ll be un-dead, but not reanimated undead. Un-dead as in not dead. Perhaps ex-dead is a better word. Like ex-parrot.

Well, expect updates!
Sort of…
Not really.

Khan. WordPress doesn’t autolink.

Re: Spy Sappin’ Mah Blog!

Happy now?

(archival note: theme was changed from something to something else.)

Spy Sappin’ Mah Blog!

Hello everyone! It’s me, Kenito. You may not remember me – I’m the one who remains on topic and imbues his posts with errant signs of my violent hatred of Communists.

Anyway, it appears David has metaphorically raped (and perhaps physically too, I noticed that the disc drive and some of the ports don’t work on the webserver mainframe anymore) the blog in my absence. I’m going to keep this rant short and sweet, because I need to go find a cheap lawyer so Miss Webserver can sue for mental anguish.

The new blog theme. Seriously? You may call it “modern” and “stylized”. I call it “best viewed at a resolution of 640×480 or higher.”

Doctor Sampson’s Telescopic Range

An Ingenious Use of Doctor Sampson’s Telescopic Range

If ever a gentleman find himself surrounded by his rival’s mercenary employ–as often I have–in the boiler room of said rival’s factory–as was I lately–then he need merely turn Doctor Sampson’s Telescopic Range–available at Doctor Sampson’s Emporium of Scientific Wonders and Technological Marvels for a nominal fee–towards boiler and let free a telescoping stream of heat to boil the water contained to make for a most effective distraction to aid in his escape.

Note on use of Doctor Sampson’s Telescopic Range: It’s a clumsy poorly-designed flamethrower. Don’t use it, if you value your life.

The Fairy and the Princess

I’ve been wanting to make my own Fairytale for quite some time now. I think this captures the spirit, even if the style was done without taste.

There once lived a fairy in a castle more ancient than the forest that surrounded it. She stole away children lost in the forest to eat of their flesh and to grind of their bones to powder for her magic.
One day there came a princess that had wandered too far into the forest looking for more ripe blackberries to pick. This deep in the forest only the grey stone of the castle was made present in her sight. Looking for rest, she came inside and searched, chamber after chamber, until she found a bed. There she took slumber for the forest let not the light of day through and concealed the hours spent under the dark leaves.
The fairy waited for the princess to arise before she spoke these words: “Tell me your name and you fears for I like knowledge the name of my meals and fear in the bones soon ground to dust.”
The princess replied, “I am a princess of a great kingdom, and you shall not have my name for I will not have it spoke by a tongue so vulgar. If you will not have me killed for seven days and seven nights, I will tell you my greatest fear by the end of the seventh night.” Never before had one bargained so plain and clear with a fairy. Because of this, the fairy agreed.
Later that first day, the princess asked of the fairy how was being of the fae like. She was not given answer. On that first night, the fairy asked of the princess a chore performed each day of the six more days left her life.
On the second day, the princess swept all the floors of the castle. On that night, the princess asked of the fairy its magic. Again, she received not answer.
On the third day, the princess chopped wood. That night, the fairy told the princess of flying, of never ageing, of requiring the flesh of humans, and of much more.
On the fourth day, the princess was asked of no chore. Instead the fairy asked what was like being a princess. The princess did not answer. That night, the princess told of balls and feast, of dress and dance, of gown and crown, and of prince and fiancée.
On the fifth day, the princess picked more blackberries. That night, the fairy spoke of spells to cause slumber, of potions to exchange form, and of curses to cause death.
On the sixth day, the fairy had not found the princess to give chore, and so the fairy prepared magic. That night the princess returned and spoke to the fairy. “On the seventh day soldiers of my home will come for me and kill you.” Upon hearing this, the fairy turned to cauldron to make of potion and finished quickly. Then, the fairy forced potion to the princess and both went soundly to slumber.
On the seventh day, the fairy in the form of the princess was taken by the soldiers. And the princess in the form of the fairy was slain by the blade. That night, the fairy in form of the princess was married to a worried prince.
Two years later, the fairy still in the form of the princess had birthed two heirs of the prince. After marriage any power the princess had held was swiftly stripped and stolen by the prince.
The princess in the form of fairy was still alive, for her death was but temporary. She was kind to children lost in the woods before she killed them whilst they slumbered and ate of their flesh and ground of their bones. She had nearly enough powder from bone for a spell terrible and vengeful.

If any has ideas on how to make it better (consistency, prose more suited for the topic, logical issues that need clearing up, messy phrasing, etc.) do tell.

Norton Stereotype School

From the perspective of some angry unpopular person who is his/her on clique:

Welcome to Norton Stereotype High School: where school is how it is supposed to be. At Norton Stereotype High, you belong to a clique. The faster you find it; the faster you’re accepted.
There are two types of cliques: the popular cliques and the unpopular.
Although, you want to fall into the shallow popular clique of ass-hats. You won’t. By wanting to, you have already shown you’re unworthy of popularity. It is not something you obtain; it is something you are.
So let’s not waste time explaining popular cliques, because you can’t explain being popular. Now then, you’re in an unpopular clique; let’s give you an idea of what they’re like.
There are far too many unpopular clique to list, therefore we’ll list a select few examples, in order of peasantry.
The stoner clique: it’s self explanatory. They are cool, but they are not popular.
The band clique: they are the largest clique. Simply put: the clique is any one in band. They are also the easiest pickings for popular cliques.
The geek clique: these people are only one step above the nerd clique. They have no social live and play “games”. These “games” are not sports games, but are perversions of the word game–that comes from the Greelatik word “gamamamamamamama” meaning violence, sweat, and muscles in a public gathering usually involving size-comparisons.
The nerd clique: by far it is the most unpopular clique. These subhumans play games called “tah-bul-top-are-pee-gees”. The most played “tah-bul-top-are-pee-gee” was invented by a Satanist, Gary Gygax, and is called “dum-juns-an-duh-drag-queens”.
Hopefully, this has given you an idea of which clique you belong too, and an idea of how much torment with which you will find.

I have the weirdest internet friends that inspire the weirdest creative writing things.

Okay… Not really, but I liked to think so.

(until it was shattered by you critical people)

Token Post

I haven’t posted in quite some time. This is something to remedy that.
As though anyone cares.

Personas

So Firefox has a new add-on that is pretty much a basic skinning thing.

I’m liking it so far, but there’s no search function. In the styles I’ve seen so far, none of them suit my tastes.

So I made my own.

Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you: CommieFox!